The woman did not remind him of Carol at all, and she was passionate and loved to fuck, he hoped that he could grow to love her and forget about Carol. The marriage didn’t last. His wife was self-centered and uncaring of his feelings, and she had a cruel, withholding streak: when she discovered something that he liked in the bedroom, she’d never do it again. ‘You’re supposed to love ME, not THAT,’ she’d say. Then she complained that he was not as passionate as he had been before they married, when she had actually tried to please him. Even so, he stayed with her long after he knew there was no hope or comfort there–because he couldn’t bear to give someone else the pain that he had known. It was only after he figured out that most people did not hurt that much, or that long, that he finally found the strength to leave. He tried to remain friends with Carol. He even visited her from time to time, suppressing the ache when he saw her and wearing the mask of an old friend. Sometimes. I tell her how well-received my Bondage story has been since I posted it on the internet, and I’m just beginning to tell her about the anal sex scene I just wrote when I get a VERY polite smile and she sees a friend of hers who she’s just GOT to go talk to, and she might see me around later, okay? They’re all around me. Co-workers. Casual acquaintances. Relatives. Strangers. Close friends I’ve known for a decade or more, but who have no idea that I’m a member in good standing of the National Association of Perverts and Pornographers. How do I talk to these people? I’m proud of what I do, and I like to think I’m halfway good at it. I like to share it, too, otherwise I’d just write it down and tear it up, the way I used to. It’s been a long time since I resigned myself to the fact that I can’t write to please Grandma, but I’m still not too crazy about this whole ‘double life’ thing. It’s like being Gay or something. I want to talk about it, but that’s hard to do in.
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